a poem

"you were, you are"

you were my dream
you were almost everything
now you're just some girl i used to be into.
you were the source
for many lovely words
now you're just a dying thing; make way for the living.
you were my hopes
you were just so
oh now i can't try to describe, i don't want to.
you were all there was
you were all there was to be
now you're the past i can't evade or outrun.
give back what i gave you
give back all my love
someone will need it one day.
give back what you stole
give back all you know
someone will one day need to understand.
you were a learning experience
you were also a waste of my time
God help the one who ends up with you, they will need it.
you were what you were
now you are what you are
i was what i was
now i'm turning into someone i don't know.

a memory that keeps me awake at night

get out of my life.
please.

a few lines from my heart

"Her as a Dream"

manifest yourself
again as a dream
so i can see your love
even if it isn't meant to be
show me your eyes
eyelids open wide
blink twice
if you're real.
if you're real.

become immaterial
make yourself as dust
if you're meant to fly in
but not remain with us
see this is the door
but there is oft no need
to walk through it much
if you plan to stay with me.
stay with me.

feel
yourself sifting
through
my fingertips & nerve endings,
or actually reach
out to touch my hands;
enclose one of yours in mine
if you wish.

come back as a dream
or reply it was a lie
i was picked for you
you were meant as mine
show up from out yonder
already bright and blue
I'm prepared for surprise
I'm ready for you.
I'm ready for you.

a successfully staged show

drove to Greensboro, NC today with 2 friends to see:
Modern Baseball (main reason i went, awesome set)
Real Friends (great tunes)
Citizen (pretty good)
Fireworks (pretty good)
The Wonder Years (put on a great show)
overall had a fun time but the fact that my last 3 shows were with the ex nagged me all evening.
oh & i got a shirt & second album of Modern Baseball, & got the CD signed by 3 of the guys from that band.
got Cookout on the way home to seal the evening. so a successful night in general.

a habit when down

sometimes when i get down i either do a lot more thinking than usual or i just waste a lot of time distracting myself so i don't have to go anywhere.
i've missed a lot of class doing this.
& i've decided to miss today's.

a shot & a miss

well she's dating someone. but we're still friends & it isn't awkward right now! so cool deal.
next please?

almost a chance

narrowly missed out on a chance to ask her out today.
her friend wasn't here for the first two classes so i got a lot of chatting in, & we almost left to get coffee together (friendly) but then she remembered some stuff she had to do so changed her mind.
next time, next time...