a successfully staged show

drove to Greensboro, NC today with 2 friends to see:
Modern Baseball (main reason i went, awesome set)
Real Friends (great tunes)
Citizen (pretty good)
Fireworks (pretty good)
The Wonder Years (put on a great show)
overall had a fun time but the fact that my last 3 shows were with the ex nagged me all evening.
oh & i got a shirt & second album of Modern Baseball, & got the CD signed by 3 of the guys from that band.
got Cookout on the way home to seal the evening. so a successful night in general.

a habit when down

sometimes when i get down i either do a lot more thinking than usual or i just waste a lot of time distracting myself so i don't have to go anywhere.
i've missed a lot of class doing this.
& i've decided to miss today's.

a shot & a miss

well she's dating someone. but we're still friends & it isn't awkward right now! so cool deal.
next please?

almost a chance

narrowly missed out on a chance to ask her out today.
her friend wasn't here for the first two classes so i got a lot of chatting in, & we almost left to get coffee together (friendly) but then she remembered some stuff she had to do so changed her mind.
next time, next time...

a thought on the "high school mindset"

there are those who have had the best times of their life in high school, & they live their lives thinking it'll never be that good again. then there's us, who haven't happened on the best time of our life yet, & we get to live every day happily anticipating the future. do not envy those who live their lives in the past.

a song is always there to sing

"Where Necessary"

fighting the urge to self-sabotage
fighting the want to bite instead of dodge
the bullet
as its aimed right at my skull.
pushing patience in the face of its evil twin,
knowing I may never happen on this chance again,
I hold on to the rails on the way down or up I'm not quite sure.

but there's always the possibility
of things changing into the way they could be
so I'll only make a difference
where necessary

this is what I've wanted for years
wished for & waited on, sweat blood & tears
welled up for hours, days, months, a decade.
few have reached this page and kept on turning
fewer had the wisdom to continue learning
by this age i thought i should know the way.

but there's always the possibility
of my mind changing nightly
so I'll only make a difference
where necessary

another song

"Races"

lost my place in the lead
but i saw you in a dream
you said i wasn't scared anymore
& i believed.
woke up to know i hadn't placed,
but this time seeing your sweet face
won't send me into sadness
i'm far away with being past this.

this time it's different
she made me realize myself when she left
this time it's simple
you choosing no is no killing blow for me.

lost my winning streak
saw her in what i consider a nightmare
she was simply walking
over everything i held dear to me.
woke up to know it wasn't true,
so this time I'm glad for the present tense,
and you and I are friends,
you make me smile when you grace me with your presence.

this time it's different
she made me realize myself when she left
this time it's simple
you choosing no is no killing blow for me.

and time just rolls on.
and time just rolls on.
i keep hoping things between us will change.
and i keep betting on keeping her memory away.