a thought on the "high school mindset"

there are those who have had the best times of their life in high school, & they live their lives thinking it'll never be that good again. then there's us, who haven't happened on the best time of our life yet, & we get to live every day happily anticipating the future. do not envy those who live their lives in the past.

a song is always there to sing

"Where Necessary"

fighting the urge to self-sabotage
fighting the want to bite instead of dodge
the bullet
as its aimed right at my skull.
pushing patience in the face of its evil twin,
knowing I may never happen on this chance again,
I hold on to the rails on the way down or up I'm not quite sure.

but there's always the possibility
of things changing into the way they could be
so I'll only make a difference
where necessary

this is what I've wanted for years
wished for & waited on, sweat blood & tears
welled up for hours, days, months, a decade.
few have reached this page and kept on turning
fewer had the wisdom to continue learning
by this age i thought i should know the way.

but there's always the possibility
of my mind changing nightly
so I'll only make a difference
where necessary

another song

"Races"

lost my place in the lead
but i saw you in a dream
you said i wasn't scared anymore
& i believed.
woke up to know i hadn't placed,
but this time seeing your sweet face
won't send me into sadness
i'm far away with being past this.

this time it's different
she made me realize myself when she left
this time it's simple
you choosing no is no killing blow for me.

lost my winning streak
saw her in what i consider a nightmare
she was simply walking
over everything i held dear to me.
woke up to know it wasn't true,
so this time I'm glad for the present tense,
and you and I are friends,
you make me smile when you grace me with your presence.

this time it's different
she made me realize myself when she left
this time it's simple
you choosing no is no killing blow for me.

and time just rolls on.
and time just rolls on.
i keep hoping things between us will change.
and i keep betting on keeping her memory away.

another one down

turns out she's talking to someone & they "might date". ah well, luckily this one didn't ruin the friendship. she's really cool so that would be disappointing!

and she loves Relient K.

a goal obtained

found a girl I'm pretty into. not sure if i have a chance, but I'll give it one.
gonna wait til next paycheck to ask her out, in case she wants to do anything that requires funds.
man i hope this works out.

a relationship ended

okay well, it lasted a month.
our second shot at being a couple started February 9 & ended March 11.
she's gone for what seems for good now.
haven't & don't really know what to think about my life right now.
23 years old, (currently)seasonal job holder, full time college student. no goal to fight for. no one to know me intimately. no one to talk to seriously.

"But then I woke from the dream to realise I was alone
A tragic event, I must admit, but let's not be overblown
I'm not trying to write a love song just a sad, pathetic moan
Maybe I just need a change, maybe I just need a new cologne."

a new opportunity

finally! got a job! been unemployed for 1 year & 8 months, & finally got a job.
good news!

"Living is a grand thing."
     - a fortune cookie